The following is a piece written for the Humans of Medicine by Dr Nicholas McLernon, a UWA graduate, whose work currently focuses on general practice and family medicine. Dr McLernon also holds a Diploma of Obstetrics and Gynaecology and a Graduate Diploma of Public Health.
Someone outside of medicine might wonder how a doctor might feel existential angst about their job. Running around saving lives all day, an endless waiting list for your services should mean that doctors feel valued, needed, fulfilled; shouldn’t it? The reality is a little different and I suspect doctors question the meaning of their work as much as anyone else. I am quite happy being a doctor but there are times that I wonder what the value of my work is.
Practicing medicine means working with people, environments and bureaucracy, all fickle business partners. When my well-intentioned management plans don’t work out, who do I blame? Was it the patient not following advice? – seems a bit harsh. Is blaming the system a cop out? Maybe it was me and my indecision or lack of knowledge or skill that caused the problem.
Sometimes when things don’t go as planned, I might wonder if anything I could have done would have changed the outcome. With a job that requires a heavy load of emotional input, that took a long time to train for, that can be a difficult though to hold. It can be easy to turn that negativity into a low estimation of self-worth.
At times like this I try and remind myself that medicine is both a regular job and not at all a regular job. All regular jobs have their own frustrating aspects. The non regular bit of medicine is dealing with fickle and fragile human biology base as the primary part of the job, there are infinite types of problems and a very finite evidence base. Even with all the best training and skills, I can’t control all aspects of my patient’s outcomes.
As I read all this it sounds a bit complex, regularly irregular? I suppose I am trying to say that medicine is a hard job, I can’t cure everyone (anyone?) and I try and attach meaning in my work to the relationship I form with the patient, my colleagues and the effort I put into the job.